I don’t know what your impression of me is. It doesn’t matter (not intended rudely). I think of myself as a reasonable, practical, logical, and a thoughtful personality. I do seek answers. I need information. I need to understand. Things need to make sense to me. I think and care deeply.

Reminder: My “stories” are mine. Some “medical speak” follows. If that is not your cup of tea or “TMI” please politely excuse yourself from reading further.

When my parents died, they were elderly and had long time health conditions that made understanding and accepting their deaths easier. Their ages at the time of their deaths were older than if they had died at those same ages today. Heck, today, I’m two years older than my mom’s age when she died. Do you know what I mean?

My daughter Bridgette died at age 54. Much too young by most of today’s standards of living and available health care. I found her autopsy report very confusing. Not that I didn’t understand the medical terminology. That’s part of the problem. I worked in healthcare related fields for approximately 30 years and I understand the words. Her autopsy sited her medical conditions much like many people have that are appropriately treated and managed. It did not succinctly list the single cause of death.

Why did Bridgette die? What killed my  daughter? I had several “conversations” by phone and email with the Medical Examiner in charge of her autopsy. I asked an Emergency Dr (thank you Dave) and my PCP’s what caused my daughter’s death based on her autopsy information. It was not clear.

Her death has been hard for me to understand and accept. A year has passed, and here’s what I “think” currently because it is difficult to turn speculations into verifiable certainties.

1. Our family believes Bridgette had some lack of trust in the health care system. She would not seek medical care that we all felt she needed. Therefore, we speculate she might not have received or managed her health optimally. There is more evidence about this, and it was a difficult journey with her. This is my first baby step in writing anything about her situation as we approach or pass the First Anniversary of her death. I suspect I may write more about this “down the road” when I am able to process further, or maybe not. Stuff like this is always very personal. If I don’t understand it, how or why would others? That’s ok. It’s also known that I write therapeutically for myself and not others.

2. So, here’s what I “know.” Bridgette’s autopsy lists among other things, “Cholecystitis & Cholelithiasis (gallbladder inflammation and gallstones) Those are not speculative. They were actual findings when she was examined after her death. Ordinarily, gallbladder stones should not have killed her if properly diagnosed and promptly treated. If not, irritation of the liver and pancreas causing pancreatitis can occur which can be extremely serious.

3. Here’s where my high level of intuitive thinking takes over. I have a strong sense of some people and things; but can’t explain why or how I know. Some of you can relate, I’m sure. We just know. After my parents died, I wished for a “sign.” I never experience much of anything tangible. When Bridgette died, I’ve wanted even more some sort of “sign” explaining her death etc. I Just Got It. I GOT MY SIGN! Feel the goose bumps! Let the hair on your arms and neck stand up! This is real for me! 

Early Friday morning on December 13, I awoke with unrelenting and worsening mid- sternum and abdominal pain. No heating pad, hot bath, or hot shower would help.  Most people (including Scott) know that I do not suggest needing Emergency help unless I’m in dire condition. I’ve experienced some painful kidney stones, childbirth, and other conditions. I’m a mom and great caregiver. I’m tough! I’m short and mighty. We should have called an ambulance because I thought I might be having a heart attack. Women’s cardiac symptoms can vary highly, and this was certifiable Chest Pain. There’s a whole ‘nother story brewing about this. I’ll focus on Bridgette’s “sign” to me in this story. We headed to Abbott Hosp where we know of good Cardiologists at their Heart Center.

My initial testing (EKG & Chest X-Ray) was normal. Thank God! Probably not a heart attack although blood enzymes were not immediately available. What then? Off through the majorly under construction hallway bowels of Abbott Northwestern Hospital for a CT. Hang on Sylvia. Bump. Hang on Sylvia. Rounding another square corner. Hang on Sylvia. We’re not going in forward. We’re going to back into the CT. Okay, let’s get that report STAT please. Hmmmm. The results are back. Whisper. Whisper. Mumble. Mumble. More blood work please from my petite, shy veins they decide. Sylvia? Sylvia? How are you feeling? Is that venous cocktail we provided helping?

Here’s the scoop. Are you ready? You have gallstones. Your gallbladder is extremely Angry and has caused your liver and pancreas to rebel off the charts. You’re going to need a couple surgeries. Long story a little shorter. Surgeries were scheduled and canceled a couple times until my liver and pancreas decided to start behaving better.

That’s it! Now do you get it? Bridgette died from her untreated gallbladder disease. THIS is my sign. THIS is what she told me. “Mom, I died from gallstones” she was SHOUTING at me. It made SO much sense. I had a serious gallbladder condition almost exactly a year after she died. And this was so like Bridgette.  She continued to be sassy in her after death sign to me. I get it Bridgette. I GOT MY SIGN!