This is a story with oodles of “God Winks.”    A Google definition of God Wink is:  “An event or personal experience, often identified as coincidence, so astonishing that it is seen as a sign of divine intervention, especially when perceived as the answer to a prayer.”  God Wink is sometimes spelled “God Wink” and sometimes “Godwink.”  Either way, the intended definition is the same….an extraordinary event or situation.

This is also my first attempt to write anything related to my daughter Bridgette’s death.  I “might” write more as time goes on.  Her story is long and complicated with a lot of joy and a lot of pain.

Writing is my “jam” so to speak.  Writing has been my escape.  Writing has been my entertainment.  Writing is cathartic.  I haven’t written anything for months.  Even my writing life has been upside down, so and I’m not sure how this will go.  I “think” I want to be transparent and that will probably make all of us uncomfortable.

1/8/2025 – Toby’s story begins: 

Toby was alone in his apartment with my daughter Bridgette after she died.  Bridgette was found in her apartment on January 6.  I’d last heard from her at 4:56 p.m. on December 22 and she didn’t respond to me or Scott after that which was not typical of her usual quick replies.  I think her friend may have spoken to her on December 24 according to the Eden Prairie Death Investigation Report completed by Detective Dan.  It’s a good thing Toby had a large feeder and water.  As soon as we entered the apartment, Andy cleaned Toby’s litter.  I think Heather gave him fresh food and water.

At first, we didn’t know where Toby was.  He was silent and hiding.  Eventually we spotted him in the corner on top of a bathroom cabinet.  He was like a statue.  No movement.  We wondered if he was dead, too.   Then I saw an ear twitch.  God Wink #1.  We left him alone, understanding he was frightened and traumatized.

We knew we had to figure out what to do about him.  The apartment staff didn’t know Bridgette had a cat until they entered her apartment to check on her January 6th.   She told me in May that someone (a guy I think) moved out of the apartment building and couldn’t take Toby with him, so Bridgette took him.  This was no surprise. She always liked cats.

I asked Andy (Kayla’s boyfriend) if he would check on the possibilities for rehoming Toby.  Kayla and Andy already have two cats.  Heather was not interested.  Gracie couldn’t take him.  There is a Humane Society near where Andy lives in Golden Valley, so Andy called and stayed on hold for at least two hours to seek help.  They have a criteria and procedure for helping a cat and a waiting period before an appointment to determine if he would be accepted.  They were willing to make an exception and said they made an appointment for Tuesday January 14th.   We were happy about that; but it would also mean Andy taking off more work time and requiring us to check and care for Toby until then.

Simultaneously I reached out to the Champlin, MN community on two different Facebook pages with an URGENT cat rehoming request.   I’ve found the Champlin community to be amazingly kind, helpful, and empathetic.  On the first day of two of my post, I got a few replies,  a couple requests for pictures, and many expressions of concern for Toby and his circumstances.

Then, when sleep was again escaping me, I went on FB and holy cow.  The Twin City cat community was alive, well, and active.  They were meowing at me from all sorts of hiding places.  I had trouble deciding who was the best to respond and it forced me to recall and find the pictures Bridgette sent me on 5/21/24.  God Wink #2.

Approximately 1/10/25 Update – I lost track of the exact date.  The amount of activity to arrange and manage Bridgette’s death was incredible, overwhelming and complex : 

I could not tell you exactly how it all happened in the wee hours of the morning; but one cat comment led to another, and another cat link, and another cat referral.  My “I/I” (Irish Intuition) was in high gear.  For instance, I KNEW that something was wrong with Bridgette before we got the call from the Medical Examiner’s office.  I KNEW and I told several friends and family about my fears and concern weeks in advance.  I know this all sounds weird; but I continue to experience, respect, and honor my “hunches.”

My insight led me strongly towards “Alecia” who turned out to be our super cat and beyond hero.  I asked Andy what he thought, and he agreed. Boom!  Alecia’s on her way (after working a night shift).  God Wink #3.  We decided to let Alecia, her cat friend Becky, and Kayla’s cat boyfriend, Andy enter Bridgette’s apartment. Scott and I would remain outside to avoid additional trauma or chaos for Toby.  Alecia, the cat catching pro, arrived with everything needed to get the job done, including a large net on a pole.

Horror of horrors, Andy texted me that they couldn’t find Toby.  He was nowhere.  Oh my gosh, now what?!  Patience and professionalism, that’s what you do.  Soon though, Toby was located hiding in a corner under a large shelving unit in the bedroom.  Alecia worked her magic cat communication, put down the net, grabbed Toby by the back of the neck, placing him in the cat cage.  Wa La!  Just like that, Toby was in a safe quite space and remained extremely calm.  Congratulations cat team lead by Alecia!  This connection and experience were a definite GOD WINK #4.

Now for the rest of the story:

I know this is an already long story, but that’s what I do. I write stories the way I want.  When I get old (Hahaha LOL), I’ll have my stories documented to jog my memory.

Somehow at the same time as I am engaging with Alecia about the cat, I’m also deciding how to dispose of Bridgette’s humongous pantry of food.  Best we can figure, she had experienced some food insecurity a few years ago, developed a “survivalist” personality, and survived Covid where people hoarded food and supplies.  Oy Vey!  You will never imagine the volume she had accumulated in a 1-bedroom apartment unless you were there.

Instinctively as we were communicating and preparing for Toby’s rescue, I asked Alecia if she knew anyone who needed help with their Food Budget because we had plenty of groceries and more to share.  She did,  so I asked her to bring LOTS and LOTS and then MORE boxes, bins, and coolers.  She, Becky, and Andy dug into packing and packing boxes and boxes of food.  Did I say packing and boxes that took nearly all day at a feverish pace?!   GOD WINK #5

What else could be more helpful?  Alecia had a friend Rusty who could use dishes and furniture for himself and sister.  GOD WINK #6.  How blessed we were to meet Eden Prairie Alecia, the cat lady, and her friends, Becky and Rusty.  We were enormously grateful. I will remember Bridgette’s cat Toby and this story with sadness and gladness.

1/12/25 Note & Pictures from Alecia the Cat Rescuer:

“Sylvia,

Your story and thankfulness for our help with Toby does not go unnoticed and I’m so happy we were able to help.  Toby has been amazing and I love him already. I will keep you updated on his progress.”  Here is a picture and video

2/24/25 Toby’s Story Continues & Ends:

Alecia had Toby examined and vaccinated etc.  After he spent time at Alecia’s with other cats acclimating and socializing, it was determined he was friendly and appropriate to place for adoption.  I have no doubt that Toby had been well loved by Bridgette.  She once told me, “He thinks he owns me” with a chuckle.   All this only took about 1 ½ months.  God Wink #7 and the end of the story for Toby as I know it.

5/3/25 Addendum:

I wished I could have adopted Toby myself as a little connection to Bridgette.  That wasn’t in the cards because “someone” isn’t a “cat person.”  I decided to check on Toby’s adoption status at the New Hope Café Meow.  He was not pictured, and he wasn’t listed as adopted.  What happened to Toby?  Café Meow would not tell me anything due to privacy.  Not that he was adopted.  Not that he went to a home with younger or older owners.  Not that he was in a home with children.  Not that he was in a home with another cat or dog.  Nothing!  Really?  General information about a cat adoption is that secret or private?  They wouldn’t tell me anything.  I wasn’t asking for name or address of adoptees.  I simply wanted to know generally where he went and how he might be doing.

So, I contacted Alecia, the cat rescue lady and she came to the rescue again.  She has privileges with Café Meow and sent me the following note:     “Guess what?  Toby was adopted to a very nice couple that has another cat.  They said the lady that does the updates on the webpage has been really busy, so she hasn’t even been posting them all, but they’ve gotten two updates on him from the owners, and they absolutely love him and they have another cat and they get along great.  I’m so happy”  God Wink#8 and story finale.  Amen. 

6/23/25 Addition:

Yup, I experienced another “God Wink” in the life of Bridgette’s cat, Toby this morning.  It was an interesting “coincidence” (?) this morning.  We were on our way to Scott’s Drs appointment.  We stopped to get my favorite “Everything” bagel with honey walnut cream cheese at Bruegger’s where we go in New Hope whenever we are near.  It is my favorite.  Suddenly I noticed the “Cafe Meow” in the same strip mall next to Fat Nats where we have also breakfasted.

Café Meow (see info in story above) is where Bridgette’s cat, Toby was taken to get adopted/rehomed.  We have been to this Brugger’s here many times before and I’ve never noticed “Cafe Meow” which has existed there for many, many years. We were just here a few weeks ago and it didn’t get my attention; but this morning was different.  Scott and I were talking about Bridgette, and I’d just read out loud, my daily “GriefShare” email.”  I looked up as we’re pulling into the parking lot and there it was, “Café Meow!”

I’ve wanted some sort of “sign” about or from Bridgette since her unexpected death, but I’m not necessarily a believer in so called “signs” either. My mom died in 1985, and I’ve always wanted a “sign” from her but never felt one present itself.   I have weirdly smelled my dad’s cigarette smoke on a few occasions.  I don’t smoke nor does anyone around me.

Today is the closest thing I’ve experienced to seeing/feeling a sign from Bridgette/Toby.  It gave me goose bumps.  I’ll take it.  Sometimes it’s all we have.  Do you think there will be more?